How To Settle Down In a Relationship
In the past, it was the norm for people to wait until they were married before they had sex, and they would have most likely stayed with the same person until their time on this earth came to an end. Thanks, in part, due to the ‘sexual liberation’ of the 60s and 80s, this has all changed.
Having sex outside of marriage was no longer seen as something that was wrong, at least not to the same degree as before. Naturally, there were people who were not on board with what was taking place.
A New Era
The world has come a long way since that time and it is not longer a big deal for someone to have sex outside of marriage. Nowadays, it is a bigger deal for someone to get married than it is for them to have sex outside of it.
Marriage is often seen as something that is old and outdated, or simply as something that will allow a couple to receive certain benefits. Having casual sex, on the other hand, is as normal as going out and buying a chocolate bar (or a fruit bar for those who are healthy), for instance – it is not seen as a big deal.
One way of looking at this would be to say that although people were restricted in the past; this is no longer the case. If someone wants to express themselves sexually without committing to another person, they can, and they can do this without feeling ashamed.
If they were alive a number of decades ago, they may have had to repress this urge and to wait until they had found someone to commit their life to. Looking at this based on how things are today, it can seem incredibly restrictive to live in this way.
If someone who – regularly expresses their sexual side with different people – was sent back in time, they would most likely find it incredibly difficult to handle. They would be able to express themselves in other ways, but it might feel as though they are in a cage.
This part of their nature would have to be overlooked, that is unless they were to channel it into something creative. Fortunately, then, someone can express this side of themselves directly in today’s world, along with being creative in other ways.
So, as it is no longer necessary for someone to be married in order for them to fulfil their sexual needs, it has meant that there are plenty of people who are not interested in having a relationship. Due to how easy for them to fulfil their sexual needs, there is no need for them to commit to anyone.
What also play a part in this is if someone is at the beginning of their life and is physically attractive, which can make it easy for them to attract people. The desire to only fulfil their sexual needs and to overlook the rest of their needs can also be a sign that they have a fear of intimacy.
With that aside, it could be said when someone has the ability to express themselves in this way, it will enable them to have a fulfilling relationship if they so choose. For a start, getting close to different people will allow them to find out what kind of person would be suitable for them.
Whereas, if they were not able to ‘experiment’ in this way, they wouldn’t get the opportunity to understand who would be a good match for them. It is then similar to trying out different cars, as opposed to buying the first car that appears, or trying out different jobs, before finding the right career path.
A Life of Misery
If one was to end up in a relationship with the first person who they felt attracted to and got married shortly after, and this could be someone they have met at school, for instance, they may end up realizing that they are not compatible within a few years. The time that they spent with this person could then have been used to understand themselves better and to develop their career.
What may play a big part in someone’s decision to ‘experiment’ could be what their parent’s relationship was like when they were growing up. Perhaps their parents got married at the beginning of their life and ended up saying together even though they were a complete mismatch.
However, while someone may find that ‘experimenting’ with lots of people different will allow them to find someone who is right for them and then to have a long-term relationship, it might not work out this way. For one thing, they may find that being in a relationship is not stimulating enough, and that they crave the stimulation that they receive by hooking up with different people each week/month.
It can similar to how difficult it can be for someone to go from eating fast food to eating healthy food. Fast food will be quick and easy, just as getting casual sexual will be quick and easy; healthy food will take a while to prepare and provide a different level of satisfaction, just as a committed relationship will take a while to develop and it won’t necessarily be full of the same highs and lows.
A Loss of Willpower
What one my find is that through having so many casual encounters, it has created a low tolerance for frustration and eroded their self-control. Said another way, they won’t know how to handle the moments when there is conflict and they won’t know how to control their urges.
Therefore, as soon as there is tension between them and their partner, they might feel the pull to find someone else, and, if they find someone else attractive, they might not be able to acknowledge this urge without needing to act upon it. It will be as if they have devolved into a child who is completely controlled by their urges.
The Grass Is Greener
In the back of their mind, they can believe that there is someone out there who is better than the person they are with, taking away the need to work through any challenges that arise. These challenges can be seen as a sign that their relationship is not working, instead of a normal part of a relationship and as something that will bring them closer.
Being with so many people won’t have allowed them to get a clearer idea about the kind of person who is right for them; what it will have done is made it more or less impossible for them to decide who is right for them. One will have trained themselves to run short distances, and, to stay with someone, they will need to undertake the training that will allow them to run long distances.
Taking all this into account, it shows that problems can arise when someone exerts too much control over their sexual nature/urges and when they don’t exercise enough control over this part of themselves. Ultimately, it is up to someone to weigh up the pros and cons when it comes to making a decision, and then to go with what they believe is the right decision.
Teacher, Prolific writer, author, and coach, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over one thousand eight hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.